Category: Parent Talk
Much as I love my daughter and my one child family, I still feel a twinge of guilt that I can't give her more of a family life. I wish I could be more like my best friend and give her siblings (he has three kids) and enjoyed doing stuff like he does, like going to weddings and giving his kids relations with extended family, but I can't.
Just talked with Mr. Sponge. Mimi's playing with two little boys. Friend's wife is pregnant with a third. I don't even like these folks. I suspect they are paying for her prenatal care with MassHealth, as he drives a cab & she doesn't even speak English, much less even have a part time job. I don't like them because I am paying for my health care & theirs, and they are probably laughing themselves silly at working stiffs like me as they live like leaches off a folks like me & not only have the nerve to make another kid, but don't even attempt to learn the local language or work. Say of me what you will, but at least I am not going to be a hypocrite & attend any festivities related to the event.
If my sibling & I aren't prime endorsements of the one child family, I don't know who is. He cut off all contact with me when Mimi was born. I will accept 50% of the blame for this as I was not such a great sister, but we had our good moments, so 50% is it. One of my guy friends, actually another guy friend as well, is divorced with three kids, the other has at least 3, maybe more, and it really makes divorce more difficult. The other guy is disabled & living now with his elderly parents. I have seen my share of the multi child homes that struggled in events like divorce & unemployment...unable to work with two kids is one thing, but six?! These are actual scenarios I've witnessed, yet I feel bad I can't give Mimi more family. I can't stand Mr. Sponge's sponge "friends". I actually enjoyed being pregnant, but am committed to a program of allergy shots to better control asthma, and the way I read the instructions, you have to committ to the treatment or pregnancy, but both are too risky. Has anyone else had guilty feelings as parents? Wished they could do more than they could? Mimi actually thanks me for doing so much for her without me motivating her to do so, yet I wish I could do more, provide more for her.
WELL WE JUS HAVE OUR SON..I DO WANT TO GIVE HIM A SIBLING. MY SON IS ONLY 10MTHS SO I ACTUALLY GOT ON A BIRTH CONTROL CALLED IMPLANON WHICH I WONT GET PREGNANT FOR 3YRS. OUR GOAL NOW IS TO WORK TO PROVIDE FOR OUR SON & GIVE HIM THE BEST. AND 3-4YRS DOWN THE ROAD WE WOULD HAVE ANOTHER BABY. I LOVED BEING PREGNANT & MISS IT SOME BUT WE REALLY WANNA FOCUS ON OUR ONLY ONE FOR NOW. THERES ALWAYS PLAY GROUP, DAYCARE & PARKS SO HE WOULD BE ABLE TO INTERACT WITH KIDS HIS AGE. PLUS HE HAS NIECES & NEPHEWS AS WELL. SO I THINK WE ARE DOING WELL & KEEP THINGS LIKE THIS (:
I probably shouldn't have posted this. I'm not even sure if we're staying together as we spend a lot of time apart and I can't stand the company he keeps. Probably just as well it's just Mimi.
instead of allowing yourself to feel guilt, try to focus on the good things.
also, if your child lets you know she appreciates you, that should speak volumes as well.
wow, some people are sooo judge mental! Your life would probably be much happier if you would quit worrying about what others are doing. You don't like them because you suspect they are getting assistance with there health insurance? wow,
I'm sorry if what I say sounds rude, but I'm only telling it how I see it. you really seem like an unhappy person. You are constantly posting about how you dislike this person or that person, or how this kid is a brat, or blah blah. never anything good and happy. So maybe it's a good thing your not having another child. not being mean, but you should probably work on yourself before you try to bring another child in this world! blunt I know. but that's me! Good luck!
thanks for saying what I didn't have time to earlier, Shea.
My wife used to feel guilt over that, we just have one. Even went so far as to say we weren't a real family, for which I mainly blame the fundamentalists in Floriduh ... but over the years she's mellowed a bit.
For what it's worth, being in a huge family isn't all it's cracked up to be: some can be lonely in a crowd. This is one of the reasons I dislike idealism so very much. I'm glad to have one, I give her all that I have. Ironically it is the big families boo hoo, cry and carry on like retards about being judged, and frankly they're spending all their time judging the rest of us.
I wouldn't worry about it, least of all, what others think.
This is more to get it out of my system than for anyone else, but here goes:
Believe it or not I was an optimist when I moved up here. Hey, I speak two other languages, this is an environment with umpteem opportunities for education, to be fair about it a more educated population. Hey Mr Sponge and I have English & French & at least at one time a faith in common, why not try to mix & mingle with different people? Why not a niche here too?
Instead every time I attempted a social gathering...not just once I wouldn't care about that, but multiple times...they left me out with language barriers except when they had something nasty to say, even tried to walk away from it saying "just kidding". Do you really think I'D be able to get away with that? I do what I think is the right thing & go for prenatal care the first time to get talked to as if I was some sort of child molester. Finally what should be a happy event comes...and it is...I was referred to by someone who should have been supportive as a "government kiss ass" because I didn't want to apply for food vouchers. We'd be stealing from the truly needy if I did that so obviously I say no. I've also been referred to as a "killer" for having more conservative views than the majority.
One "friend" referred to my daughter as if she was a retarded child when in fact she isn't, even refused to deal with me as a fellow human in the English language, instead having a daughter translate...after 20 years here? One was strictly looking for someone to mooch off. Another "took offense" to a difference in opinion. Let's just say hearing someone we've given books, furniture, even a stroller to cranking out another kid and they don't even have the courtesy to learn English or try for a part time job when I'm working full time nights was the straw to break the camel's back. And you're right, Shea, being unhappy with one's life is an excellent reason to avoid having another child. But how is it possible to be happy when you feel like you're an onion in a patch of roses? Maybe I'll try the free employee counseling.
Hmm sounds like Florida, except down there they all speak English, only they use the government, crank out kids, and have supposedly conservative values.
You ought to try the Pacific Northwest, as there are a lot more of a lot of different types out here.
If you don't mind extremes in climatic conditions, try the Midwest.
I've always wanted to see the Pacific Northwest, at least the SeaTac area. Maybe we will. The midwest might be someplace to see, too.
I am in agreement with shan here. People somehow think that if they have children it will make other problems go away, but that's totally wrong. I get judged all the time by others, as do we all, but I don't care. It's part of life and only once one grows up can theyrealize that no one else can know what another person goes through. Maybe you can empathize with the life situations of some others and think that yet another person is just a lazy good for nothing douchebag. But at the end of the day, the only one who knows your exact situation is you. As such, anything anyone else says has to be taken with a grain of salt. Further, who cares? I'd much rather be someone others hate than not know who I am and loved for it.
You can be a good example of Ohana to her, even though yours seems small. As long as you show her unconditional love and teach her that the size of your Ohana isn't what's important, but the love in it, you'll be fine. Trust me. I had to learn that lesson over the years as well.
Squidz, I think you should move to Texas. Sounds like you and I would get along famously.
Anyway, I know what you're saying about some3times feeling guilty for only having one kiddo. We're in the same boat. When our son was born, my husband wanted a big family but the thought of trying to manage more than one baby with little help with thhings like transportation and both of us being blind scared me to death. I know there are people who do it but it just didn't sound right to me. I ended up having a hysterectomy when my son was 2 for medical reasons so more kids are out of the question as adoption is ridiculously expensive. We could aford to support another child, just not the up-front thousands of dollars to, as Ryan puts it, buy him a little brother. LOL
Obviously he wants one. He's got oodles of friends though and he gets all of our attention. I survived being an only child and I suspect he will too although I know what you mean about feeling like the only 1 child family. I think Ryan just met his first only child friend this year.
Hang in there and remember, the grass is always greener.
Thanks DG maybe if I lose my job here Mr. Squid will decide to move there. I'd like that. I'm actually feeling less guilty about just having Mimi as she has a best friend in the same boat (divorced mom whose leaning more towards just having her). Things are scary jobwise, and I would think it unfair to have a second I couldn't afford. Adoption isn't a sure thing, even with the money, as I know a couple who is trying to adopt an older child & getting more disheartened every day with all the rejection. I'll just enjoy this little one, Mr Squid, and my friends who accept our family.